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"Diane, I'm holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies..."

me my goods my habits
I am: a man
Looking for: a woman
Interested In: friendship
serious relationship
Age: 31
Location: east bay, California
Area Code: 925
Occupation: Daytime-office-geek. Spare-time-photographer.
Education: college
Ethnicity: 1/2 Italian (Sicilian), 1/2 white fella
Star Sign: Taurus, but sometimes I'm listed as an Aries.
Relationship Status: Single
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 155 lbs
Hair color: brown
Eye color: blue
Cigarettes: never
Booze: sometimes
Drugs: never
Self-deprecation: sometimes
you your goods your habits
Age: 25 - 35
Within: 100 miles
Education: college
Relationship Status: Single
Height: 4'10" - 5'8"
Eye Color: blue
(I fear eyeballs like those of Edgar Winter.)
Drugs: never
the tip of my iceberg
Last great book I read:
Dave Eggers - A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Vladimir Nabokov - Pnin
Nicholson Baker - Vox
Douglas Coupland - Miss Wyoming
Camille Paglia - Vamps & Tramps
Plus: a bio of Jean Michel Basquiat; a book on Salinger; & Margaret Cho's book.
Most humbling moment:
Age 20, filling out a job application at Subway Sandwiches that included a gradeschool-level math quiz.

15 films that I happen to like:
Amélie; My Life as a Dog; Royal Tenenbaums; Heavenly Creatures; Lolita(1962); American Beauty; Strictly Ballroom; Buffalo 66; The 7-Year Itch; Avalon; Welcome to the Dollhouse; Being There; Pee-Wee's Big Adventure; Orson Welles' Othello; Better Off Dead

Favorite on-screen sex scene:
Romantic: Lili Taylor & River Phoenix in DOGFIGHT

Erotic: room-service in TAMPOPO; chain-link fence in THE LAST SEDUCTION; anything in BETTY BLUE

Deranged-erotic: the Lula & Bobby Peru 'Say FUCK ME!' scene in WILD AT HEART

Pure laughs: Rob Lowe getting a blowjob in HOTEL NEW HAMPSHIRE.

Celebrity I resemble most:
He's hardly a celebrity, but that race car guy with the plaid shorts, who gets killed near the beginning of FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! looks sorta like me (aside from his goofy wardrobe choices), if you squint, and block out his voice.
Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
'Quiche? You're making quiche? No...no...I LOVE quiche. No, really!'

Number of times I have relocated a living goldfish named Fido, from his fishbowl, into a water-filled Ziplock bag, then taken him on an adventurous 2-day drive to Olympia Washington, let him spend a week happily swimming around in a motel ice bucket, & then transferred him back to a Ziplock bag for the drive home:

If I could be anywhere at the moment:
* Wandering around taking photos.
* Locking lips with a swell girl.
* At the Musée Mécanique.
* At Tu Lan, ordering the city's best Vietnamese shrimp fried rice, from one of their yucky grease-coated menus.
* With my friends.
* Road trip!
Song or album that puts me in the mood:
Bebel Gilberto - TANTO TEMPO cd
Etta James - At Last
Depeche Mode - Somebody
Elvis Costello - She
Angelo Badalamenti - The Pink Room
Mazzy Star - AMONG MY SWAN cd
The Replacements - Swingin Party
Art of Noise - Moments in Love
Yes - Sweetness
Prince - Darling Nikki
The five items I can't live without:
Pentax K1000 camera
iMac & Photoshop
a guitar
my friends
indoor plumbing

Other music that I happen to enjoy:
Belle & Sebastian, The Aislers Set, Pixies, Stereolab, Cocteau Twins, Velvet Underground, Low, Vince Guaraldi, Pedro the Lion, Galaxie 500, PJ Harvey, Astrud Gilberto, The Smiths, OMD, Dinah Washington, Imperial Teen, Detroit Cobras, Bobby Darin, Big Sandy & his Fly-Rite Boys.

Fill in the blanks:
You biting your lip is sexy; you biting mine is sexier.
In my bedroom, you'll find:
* me (currently in my 'Barrel of Monkeys' pajamas)
* a bed
* an iMac
* CDs/tapes/vinyl records/videos/DVDs
* tons of books (fiction, non-fiction, vintage cookbooks, art, photography, pin-up)
* a mixed-media painting by my friend Jeff
* a GHOST WORLD Little Enid doll
* misc. vintage bric-a-brac
* shoeboxes full of photos
* many cameras; none of them particularly valuable
why you should get to know me
Because for some reason, you find it charming that my left-handedness is forever resulting in me smudging my writing.

What else? Um...people who know me tend to laugh at the things I say (although I suppose they could be laughing at me. I mean, maybe there's a big piece of food stuck in my teeth or something. Wait..is there?)

Like I'm sure a lot of people are/were, I was weary of personal ads for a bit. But I've come to realize that limiting your dating prospects to just those whom you might meet through friends/work/school/social shindigs, is doing yourself a great disservice. There might be a potential cool friend or love interest living a block away or 100 miles away. The Bay Area is a big place with a heck of a lot of people. And chances are, some of those people are gonna be pretty dang cool. But no matter how cool they are, they're not all likely to knock on your door, or stroll into your place of work. I tell myself this, and then I don't feel weird about this ad. Aw hell, what the heck? You know?

More reasons to get to know me:

I can tell the difference between a Rauschenburg & a Rosenquist painting. (This particular skill has yet to come in handy, actually. And truthfully, it isn't much of a feat.)

I'm a decent cook. (Actual food, not fish sticks.)

I'm a lousy dancer, but I'll bounce around the room like a jumping bean if you put on 'Our Time' by Imperial Teen.

I'm always giving fun (though sometimes peculiar) little gifts to the people I care about.

I make awesome mix-tapes.

Plus, I know EXACTLY how much change is in your right-front pocket.

Reasons why perhaps you shouldn't get to know me:

I talk too much.

I can be moody.

I could probably benefit from some sit-ups.

I like David Sedaris, but I don't love him.

I've never eaten a pickle.

I've only been to 5 of the 50 states.

I actually thought ISHTAR was a somewhat funny movie.

more about who I'm looking for
Oh gosh...who knows, you know? Sometimes what you think you're looking for, ends up being all wrong. And sometimes the most unlikely person turns out to be totally right. You just never know.

That said, I'll make some half-assed, somewhat unrealistic guesses at it, and say that I'm looking for...

A like-minded maven in the science of silly.

A super-duper girl with a wickedly bitter (though wonderfully funny) intellect along the lines of Janeane Garofalo, Dorothy Parker, or Fran Lebowitz; but with the bubbly-sweet enthusiasm of Drew Barrymore, plus perhaps a dash of Rose McGowan-style sauciness, & a bit of Joan Cusack-style quirkiness. (Too many celebrity references; I know.)

A girl who is creative and/or artistic in some way, shape, or form.

A girl who can use 'tarnation', 'cockamamie', & 'high-falootin', all in the same sentence.

A girl who very definately is not part of that whole hiking/wine-tasting/long walk on the beach scene (which inevitively leads to that whole bit with the candle-light dinner, accompanied by the coma-enducing sounds of Luther Vandross or Kenny G.)

Lastly, I'm looking for a girl who has actually read this far, and not lost interest, or found me to be a complete and utter ass.


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Brian Chambers